breathe in. breathe out. breathe in...

I'm having a mini anxiety attack today. Okay, so maybe it's a little bigger than mini (breathes into paper bag). I have been here in Boston 3 months now, and have yet to find a job. I wasn't really panicking up until now because I had some money stashed in my savings account and a measly (but still helpful) unemployment check coming in weekly. Over the last month or two, however, my car decided to catch fire (which cost me $500 alone in repairs) plus all the other crap that was wrong with it (another $400), plus helping N. with the mortgage, furniture, groceries, pet supplies, and our shameful food addiction.... leaves me with a nearly depleted savings account. Yesterday, I checked my account and, to my horror, noticed there was no unemployment check. Called this morning and was told that my benefits have ended. Wonderful.


I have a promising job interview at an awesome preschool coming up, but it's not until June 30th and if I'm lucky enough to score the job, it doesn't begin until late August. N.'s sister recommended me for a position at a daycare center. But I'm still waiting for an interview to be set up. I was still trying to remain calm and collected, but then made the mistake of calling my mom. I don't know if anyone has ever experienced this phenomenon before.. you're upset about something, but somehow manage to hold it all together- until someone asks you the dreaded words, "What's wrong?" And then you lose it. All I said was "Hi Mami." She said "Que te pasa?," and I lost my damn mind. Bawling over the phone like a child (hiccuping and everything). She managed to soothe me somewhat (enough to stop the hiccups anyway), and now I'm sitting here scouring Craigslist for anything I can do in the meantime, short of standing on a corner in a chicken suit.

N. says not to worry and that everything is going to be okay. I'm trying to believe her, but panicking nonetheless. She's carrying almost all the weight, financially, right now and I know she's stressed too. I don't want to be that dependent partner. Sigh... I just may have to put on that chicken suit.

On a brighter note, I made some delicious mocha chocolate chip ice cream last night (with the awesome ice cream machine N. bought me). Think I need a scoop right now. Don't look at me like that. I'm too stressed to worry about calories today. And I quit smoking.. one vice at a time, dammit.





-D.